


Conspiracies and conundrums

by WisdomMage



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Deceit Sanders is a mom, M/M, Prinxiety - Freeform, Romantic Soulmates, Singing Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21826960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WisdomMage/pseuds/WisdomMage
Summary: Virgil couldn't find his soulmate if they were screaming in his ear... or singing, apparently. Ironic, isn't it, that the sides most focused on soulmates end up being the two most oblivious?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 11
Kudos: 137
Collections: Sanders Sides Secret Santa 2019





	Conspiracies and conundrums

A bleak, dismal creature lay draped over the arm of the couch. Encompassed by huge swaths of dark material, it was hard to make out what exactly the thing was. The only detail marking it even remotely human was the pale claws for hands that clutched a glowing screen, and the glint of eyes peeking out from where a hood obscured any other defining feature.

The room was silent, save for the faint sound of cold fingers tapping on the device. But not for long.

A spine-chilling tone echoed around the room, pushing against the relative silence.

_“I know you… I walked with you once upon a dream… I know you…“_

“VIRGIL. SANDERS.” Now the silence was definitely broken. At this point, completely ripped to shreds, and ground into the dirt, to never be seen again, if Deceit could have any say in it. “What. wasss _that_?” Forked tongue flicked out angrily from between lips pursed in disgust.

A hiss similar to a cat was torn from the creature as it toppled to the ground from surprise. The sudden movement caused the hood to be pushed back, revealing magenta stained bangs overshadowing two differently colored eyes that glared back at their tormentor. “What do you mean, _what_?”

“Now I have tried to be an accepting trait; I don’t question your new choice of style-” At this, he gestured to Virgil’s patched up, oversized hoodie, “-and I _never_ turn a blind eye when you stay out with your new ‘friends.’ But _this_?”

“Stop being a mom; just get to the point…”

Deceit’s partially scaled face frowned even more at the muttered snark. “My point _isn’t_ , why in the name of the _law_ are you singing… _Disssney?”_

*****insert-Thomas’s-Intro-Song-Here*****

“What is _up_ , everybody!” Thomas Sanders gave his signature side-eyed look as he addressed the camera. A goofy smile was plastered across his face at his newest video idea.

“The sky. As well as the ceiling, the roof, and quite possibly a bird flying overhead.” A bespeckled presence graced the living room with a faint _whoosh_. It was almost like the YouTuber had spontaneously cloned himself, from a bystander’s viewpoint; the two were identical down to the freckle behind their left ear. Only by the outfit could you tell them apart.

The duplicate adjusted his tie in a prim manner, brain logo stark against the black backdrop of his polo. He gave Thomas a look that conveyed how idiotic his host’s statement sounded.

Another clone popped up, giggling uncontrollably. His shoulders shook from the effort, cardigan almost sliding off from the movement. The tie-wearing clone flinched at the intrusion and immediately started to backtrack his statement.

“Now Patton, that wasn’t on-”

Patton gasped, sucking in air for one final wheeze, “You used my line! A man after _sky_ own heart!”

“It sure sounded on porpoise to me, Logan.” Thomas settled back on his feet with a mischievous grin.

Logan groaned, “Thomas, don’t start. This is a repeat of the mixing metaphors dilemma; your’s was not even on theme.”

“Oh, ya know what they say! When it comes to using puns…” Patton gave the sweetest, most innocent smile as Logan shot him a glare, “...The _sky’s_ the limit.”

Thomas cleared his throat in an attempt to be heard over the loud complaints issuing from his logical side. “ _Anyways_ , today I have a video idea.”

“SOULMATES?!!”

“Perfect timing, Roman! Wrong words, but I was just about to call you.” Thomas nodded at the regal figure who now stood by the lamp.

“Oh, sorry! I guess I still have the first draft!” Giving a little princely chuckle, he tossed some papers over his shoulder. “Just have to go off script, then.”

The YouTuber frowned slightly. “Okaaay. Hey! Speaking of being reckless...” He squeezed his eyes shut and focused on that feeling of self resentment, of being drained after anything remotely social, that fear of messing up, and-

“Alright, alright! Don’t give yourself a panic attack.” Virgil rose up, already leaning on the banister. He didn’t even bother looking up from his constant phone scrolling, effectively ignoring the others.

“Virgil, kiddo, can you put away your phone for a moment? It’s time to be just a _tad_ bit social.”

“Don’t start, I’ve already had one parental lecture today.”

“What?”

“What?” The emo gave a blank stare to counter everyone else’s confused ones.

“Anyway, why should I bother for right now? I don’t even feel like arguing with Roman.”

Said trait’s confusion deepened, “Well that’s a first. You usually do it anyway.”

“Roman, if you don’t like his interjecting, I believe the correct response would be to not look the figurative gift horse in the mouth,” Logan offered.

“If anything, he’s more likely to be the decapitated rider of that horse,” Roman muttered.

Virgil just huffed in response, not even glancing away from the screen this time. “Whatever. Imma just go.” He made to sink down.

“Actually, Virge, we do kinda need you for this. I mean, I _did_ just summon you, after all. We’re gonna have some fun!”

_“All I wanna do. Is. Have. Some. fu-un! And I gotta feelin’ that I’m not the only one!”_

_“All I want…”_ Virgil sang along under his breath. It was a catchy song.

Thomas interrupted any further singing from his creativity, “You’re the one that came up with this; why aren’t you helping?”

“Oh, right! Take the floor!”

Their host cleared his throat dramatically. He held stock still for a moment, then burst into manic activity. “This is my MTV crib! Y’all ready to see some dope furniture!!!” He flailed around the room, showing it off. “Here we got… a _lamp_. And _that’s_... a couch. Wow, omg, so cool!” Five minutes of similarly weird half yelling later, he finished, leaving a stunned and confused silence.

“Uhh… Thomas? Did you maybe have something else in mind? Perhaps, I dunno… content?” Patton prompted gently.

The YouTuber thought for a moment. “Nah, not really! That’s all I have.” Content with life, he slumped down in his seat and turned on the tv, much to the dismay of his sides who he left in the dust.

“Thomas, this is simply not productive. You must stop procrastinating!” Logan’s pleas fell on deaf ears. The Office just has that effect on some people.

“Don’t worry, guys. I got this,” Virgil said, “Thomas we already went over this! Doing nothing means time wasted when finding your soulmate!”

“Oh boy.”

“Nuuuuu!”

“You mean the belief that there’s a perfectly matched person for you somewhere? There’s no such thing. Not once has there been evidence to prove it.”

Virgil looked askance at Logan. “Dude. One, I was trying to help get Thomas off his lazy butt, you’re welcome. Two, you are _wrong_ Colonel Sanders!”

“For the first time in forever, I actually agree with the emo. And not just because of the movie reference. Soulmates are my lifeblood!!!” Roman shouted enthusiastically.

Thomas looked kind of doubtful. “I mean, sure, soulmates _sound_ cool. But are they seriously that likely to be real?”

Roman gasped at his host’s words with a wounded expression. For Virgil, already determined to fight for one of his best blackmail chips for scaring Thomas, this fueled the fire.

“Oh, _really_. You think that? Because THIS says otherwise!”

Triumphantly, Virgil summoned an enormous corkboard with photos, article cutouts, and notes pinned everywhere, each connected by a complicated web of strings.

“Is that a conspiracy board?” Logan asked incredulously, “Just how invested are you in this?”

“Huh. I never thought my anxiety would be obsessed over soulmates,” Thomas mused to himself.

“What? I’m not obsessed.”

“You _do_ seem pretty prepared, kiddo.”

“I put this together in like five seconds. Believe me, this is nothing compared to my Mothra board.”

“Ignoring the implications that Virgil just happens to have information like this lying around his room, these sources are hardly credible.” Logan squinted at some of the board’s scribbles. “They appear to be off of social media.”

“Oh yeah, it happens all the time on Tumblr. You realize how many people preach about their long lost loves on this thing?” He waves the image of his dash under Thomas’ nose for emphasis, “Matching tattoos from birth, a countdown clock for when you meet, telepathy, I’ve seen it all.”

“Ridiculous ideas.”

Roman snatched the board, scanning some of the stories. “These are so cool! There’s one where when you sing your soulmate always sings along!”

His eyes lit up in a sudden bout of inspiration. Without any warning, he began to break out in song. _“I’ve been dreaming of a true love’s kiss!”_

 _“And a prince I’m hoping comes with this!”_ Without prompting, Patton immediately joined in.

The princely trait broke off in a gasp. “Does that mean we’re soulmates?”

Patton’s grin turned sheepish as he realized what Roman was trying to do. “Ohhh... Sorry, kiddo! I just wanted to sing along!”

Roman's voice took on a whiny tone. “Dad, I’m trying to find my soulmate!”

The all-around laughter to the two’s antics allowed Virgil to go unnoticed. For what nobody else had realized was that Patton wasn’t the only one who finished the duet. But he was the only one to do it willingly.

Because as soon as Roman had started to sing, a compulsion had taken over Virgil. He had no control over his own voice, and it was terrifying. Not just the fact that he couldn’t stop himself, oh no. Never in his life had he watched the movie, much less heard the song, and yet he could somehow sing the lyrics in perfect harmony? That was the truly scary part.

Also Roman’s sappy choice of song, but, eh, another story altogether.

Luckily Patton’s enthusiastic singing had covered up his own, so Virgil’s fumble went undetected. Now for the tricky part… keeping the ensuing panic attack from being detected. Because oh boy, _Roman_ was apparently his _soulmate_!!! That was a justifiable cause to panic in his book!

And this time, when he sings again, nobody else would sing but Virgil! Then they would all find out, and judge him, and question the entire soulmate system because surely soulmates were a hoax if _Virgil_ was their great prince’s soulmate, which means when Thomas actually found his soulmate, he might not fall in love with them because he’d always be thinking that maybe they weren’t soulmates because Virgil was living, well, kinda living, proof, and then Thomas will die alone without even a house full of cats because he’s _allergic_ , but he might try anyway! Because he’s lonely because of Virgil, and then he’s going to die even sooner, and-

A sinister laugh echoed around the recording room, causing most everyone to flinch.

“You innocent fools...” With a puff of smoke, Deceit rose up to stand by Patton.

“BEGONE FOUL BEAST!” Katana to the ready, Roman glared at the intruder, all thoughts of acapella romance finding momentarily forgotten.

Deceit merely raised a scaled brow. He practically oozed unimpressed. “Relax, I merely wanted to contribute to this _fascinating_ , _intelligent_ conversation. Because of _course_ , your soulmate _has_ to hold the singing trait. Why _else_ would you have literally never noticed before today if your supposed soulmate was apparently one of the people in this room. All of which you _totally haven’t_ spent your entire span of _existence_ around.”

“Deceit if you must be here, at the very least you could stop speaking in riddles. Some of us may have a hard time following, otherwise.” A pointed look was directed at Roman’s and Patton’s equally oblivious forms by the resident nerd.

“Oh, I understood just fine! Dee is trying to say that singing is a great idea! He’s a softie at heart, I just knew it!”

“What, no, I didn’t-”

“Oh if that’s the case then I’m going to sing some more! _Do you wanna build a_  
_snowma-”_

 **“STOP!!”** Deceit flung one of his extra arms to cover Roman’s mouth, not even bothering with trying to manipulate the fanatical side’s limbs instead. His frantic attempt at regaining control over the situation left his bowler hat tilting over one eye, which he quickly straightened.

Roman pushed down the gloved hand from his mouth with a strange look. “What’s gotten into you? I was just trying to sing, dude.”

“Disssney is a corporate sssham and they should own up to their actionsss!”

Roman issued some Offended Princey Noises™, utterly scandalized by the statement.

“I dunno, Princey, he’s got a point,” Virgil smirked, “You’d have to be an idiot to  
never notice your soulmate with something as obvious as singing.”

Inside, he winced a little at his own words. He was also still screaming and freaking out, but that was also internal.

“Wait, what? When did he- Oh… the first thing… because he was lying, and he… that would…” You could almost see the cogs turning in their poor host’s head as he figured it all out.

The prince of the hour had deteriorated to simply gape-mouthed shock.

Logan was nodding along to Thomas’s mutterings, and Patton still looked confused. All in all, they were mostly convinced.

”My work here is done.” Right before leaving the room with yet another overdramatic smoke cloud, Deceit let out a muttered _“Crisis averted,”_ intended for only Virgil to hear.

“Well,” Logan clasped his hands together, “This is entirely useless for any sort of video. Something completely devoid of plot; a waste of valuable time-”

“Which you could be using to find your soulmate.” With that parting jab, the emo escaped, the sound of Logan’s _aargh!_ following in his wake.

Virgil shut the door to his room, immediately feeling the pressure lessen slightly at finally being alone; he could already hear Roman starting to argue with Deceit about Disney out in the commons. He collapsed onto the bed, and, feeling something dig into his spine, rolled over to see what it was.

There, lying neatly where he had definitely not left them last, were his second favorite comfort item. Maybe having a ‘mom’ wasn’t so bad.

Smiling softly as he picked them up, he let the oversized headphones slide over his ears. Instantly the world, and all its troubles, receded, leaving Virgil free from everything. Non-consensual singing, harming Thomas, other people... an escape from it all could always be found in the simple comfort of the noise-canceling headphones that cradled his head. Taking some deep breaths to further dispel the tightness in his chest, he opened up his  
music and pressed play.

He let the familiar beat wash over him and began to softly sing along, letting himself get lost in the music…

“Ugh, _Virgiiil!”_

Only to be immediately jolted out of the momentary peace by a voice that somehow transcended the laws of sound, with its ability to be heard over both the noise control function in his headphones and the hard rock music blaring through said headphones.

Without bothering to even knock, Roman stuck his head through the door with a dramatic groan and glared at Virgil accusingly.

Which wasn’t odd, since Virgil had done far less in the past to produce such a reaction. Sighing, the emo resigned to his fate and tugged back one of the ear cups to better hear the incoming rant.

“What _now_.”

“Thanks to you, I have friggin’ _Welcome to the Black Parade_ stuck in my head. We weren’t even talking about it in today’s video or anything!” The statement was punctuated by such an annoyed expression, you’d think he was talking about the Barney theme song or something equally terrifying.

Every thought and fear he had just worked so hard to subdue came crashing back at the further proof of who his soulmate was. It was also coupled with amazement that Roman somehow hadn’t connected the dots yet, considering how invested he’d been with the whole thing.

All this caused Virgil to freeze like a deer in headlights, making Roman frown in uncertainty.

“Uh… you good?”

Trance broken, he screamed on reflex, **“GET OUT OF MY ROOM!”**

**—Extra—**

“It is two in the morning! For christ’s sake, just shut up already!” At this point, Virgil was ticked. More than ticked, actually. Approaching livid. In normal circumstances, he’d be fine with Roman singing random Disney music at the top of his lungs in the dead of night/morning/whatever.

Or, at the very least, he wouldn’t verbally complain; confrontation tended to make the embodiment of anxiety more than a little bit uncomfortable. But you try sleeping when all your body lets you do is accompany the overly loud singer. Not fun.

The sound from Roman’s room stopped, but Virgil’s singing didn’t. Yet again, he was forced to yell in between verses. “Princey, I’m seriously gonna come over there if you don’t quit it!”

“How can you hear me??? I’m being quiet!” The poor trait’s voice was riddled with borderline awed surprise. The one-man show stopped after that, and Virgil could almost taste the paranoia radiating from Roman’s room.

He snorted a little under his breath. Maybe having Roman as a soulmate came with some perks along with the annoyances.


End file.
